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Started by sushmi, Aug 21, 2020, 11:01 AM

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Harvey comes home late at night, drunk as a skunk. He staggers into the bedroom and wakes his sleeping wife, "Ellie, wake up! You'll never believe this!" - "What happened?" Ellie replies sleepily. - "I just went to the bathroom and guess what, the light switched itself on, all by itself. And as I was going out, the light went off again, I didn't have to do anything! Am I getting superpowers or what!" - Emily groans, "Come on, Harvey! You filthy animal, I bet you just went and peed in the fridge again!"

"Dad, I got my smarts from you, didn't I?" - "That's right my clever boy!" - "Yup, thought so, mom still has hers."

Peter confronts his friend at work, "Paul, did you yell at my wife, slap my kids about and kicked my cat when you came to pick up that folder yesterday?!" - Paul stammers, "But... but your wife said I should make myself at home!"

A girl yells at her boyfriend, "That's it, Henry, we're through!" - "What? You want to break up? Why?" - "I'm sick of you constantly laughing at my weight!" - "Ah darling, please, don't be like that! Come here, grab these two chairs for yourself, let's sit down and talk it out."