CLEAN JOKES

[sushmi]

Hanging up with my 90-year-old mother, I sighed, then said to 
my 96-year-old uncle, "She's so 
stubborn." He shook his head sympathetically and warned, "You're going to have trouble with her when she gets old." Angie Kiem, Irwin, Iowa

A Scottish mother visits her 
son in his New York City apartment and asks, "How do you find the Americans, Donald?" "Mother," says Donald, "they're such noisy people. One neighbor won't stop banging his head against the wall, while the other screams and screams all night long." "Oh, Donald! How do you manage to put up with them?" "What can I do? I just lie in bed quietly, playing my bagpipes."

"Has your diet changed?" 
I asked an 87-year-old woman I was admitting into the hospital. "Yes," she said. "For Lent, I gave 
up whipped cream on my Jell-O, hard candy, and my two beers a night. [Pause] And look where it's gotten me." L.K., via Internet

The latest parenting fads, 
according to the Onion:
• Couples are waiting to announce their pregnancy until after their child has graduated college and become 
a partner in a successful law firm.
• Parents are choosing not to learn the gender of their obstetrician.
• As part of the new Infinity Womb trend, women are using a wide range of Lamaze, strength-training, and yoga techniques to forcefully prevent their children from ever leaving their wombs, forever protecting them from the harsh realities of the world.